Unfortunately, guilt is one of the natural by-products of being a parent. Since we all want the absolute best for our children, we are naturally plagued with guilty feelings that we could, or should, be doing something more for our kids. And since there has been so much written about "working" moms and the guilt they feel, I want to discuss some of the special guilt issues specific to stay-at-home parents.
- Quality vs Quantity Time
Although we definitely have a lot of time with our children as stay-at-home parents, I often feel guilty that I don't spend enough "quality" time with my kids. Just being with them 24 hours a day does not alleviate the nagging guilt I often feel that I should be reading more books to them, talking to them more, or even playing more games with them. Most parents feel this way at times, but as stay-at-home parents, I believe we have the added pressure of feeling that since we are home all day with our children, we should be spending more quality times with them.
- Housecleaning
Ok, since we are home all day, our homes should be spotless, right? Wrong! Since having my three sons, I have been amazed at how quickly they can totally mess-up an entire house. And I, of course, feel guilty that my house is so often much less than a showplace. When I was still running my at-home daycare business, a "working" mother whose child I watched commented how "lucky" I was to be home all day, and that how she just didn't have time to work all day, and then go home to clean her house. At that time, I was babysitting four other young children for 8 to 10 hours every day, in addition to my two older sons. So her comment irritated me, because our kids are home all day to mess-up the house.
- Money Issues
I also feel guilty when we can't afford that pair of NIKE shoes my nine year old son wants so badly, or enroll them in soccer, basketball and karate classes. Maybe if I was working, we could afford these things. But where I live, soccer alone costs $40 per child, and with three sons, this just gets too expensive.
- Anger
We all feel guilty when we blow-up at our kids, but being home all day with our kids, it's only natural that our children occasionally drive us "nuts"! My husband, who works four, 10-hour days a week, often jokes on Sunday that he needs to get back to work so he can regain his sanity after three full days with the kids. Add this to the lack of adult contact all day long, and it's no wonder we sometimes lose our temper with our kids. Which brings me to my next guilt issue...
- The Internet
I will be the first to admit that, yes, I have become totally addicted to the Internet. As a stay-at-home mom, it helps me feel connected to the outside world, and I've made some "cyber-friends" with whom I enjoy chatting with or exchanging emails. But I do feel guilty about the amount of time I spend online, instead of with my family.
