I'm mother to two boys, ages 4-1/2 and 1-1/2. I've got a problem with the oldest and I'm not sure what to do anymore. He's always had a temper and as early as one year we were consulting his doctor as to how to deal with him hitting us out of frustration. At that age, it seemed relatively normal. At 2 1/2 when he was still having regular tantrums which included hitting us we again consulted the doctor and were told that it was relatively common. We feel that we've tried everything - redirection, time-out, ignoring him when he has a "fit", taking away toys/privileges. Probably there are other things we've done that I just don't recall. He's still having tantrums, usually 3 to 5 times a week - sometimes twice a day, usually just once. He's big enough now to actually hurt me and he simply seems to have no self-control while he's having his tantrum. When he's not having tantrums, he's very well-behaved and fun to be around. Once he's calmed down he will usually tell us he loves us, but often denies having done anything wrong or having hit us. We've tried talking with him about what he thinks might help him when he's upset but he just says he doesn't know and doesn't want to talk about it. Any suggestions or resources would be helpful. - YMous
Answer
My advise ito you right now is: educate yourself. Don't let anyone tell you who your son is (you know best). Don't be FORCED into any course of treatment that you are not completely comfortable with. See a GOOD psychologist (ask around) and go with your instincts. Be positive! If you son does have a disorder, remember that these kids have a PLUS for every minus they carry! - Path
We went through with one of our kids the same thing and let me tell it you it was not picnic. We had him checked for ADHD the whole nine yards and I began to think maybe I wasn't paying as much attention to him as the others. I began to feel I was doing something wrong and FINALLY we found out the problem was "trying" everything; see with our son, anyway, it was an issue of 'control'. Hence while we were trying to find the proper method of dealing with the behavior he was gaining control. He had control over the whole household at times too and while I'm worrying I don't pay enough attention to him the other children are quietly suffering too. NOW we have a chart of 'expectations'; if it's broken there is a consequence - be warned - it worked great probably the first 2 days we tried it and then he realized he was losing control and began acting up. STAND YOUR GROUND. You have to find the best method for you and your family and keep at it because everytime you "try something new" he's getting control. - Surf
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