On our discussion forum we recently had a conversation about the school shootings in Atlanta. About.com LDS Guide Melanie Cooper posted a very detailed list of the steps her family takes to spend quality time together. With Melanie's permission, I've have printed her post here. Whether we happen to share Melanie's faith or not, I thought she offered some good tips that could be incorporated into many different family belief systems.
Melanie's Post:
I have been disturbed by all the recent shootings as well. My children
are 8,6,4,and almost 2. We plan on having more but these types of
events really have to make me wonder WHY?
Anyhow, here is what our family is doing to hopefully raise children
that will be contributing, rather than destructive, members of our
community. We are Latter-day Saints so some of these things may
seem a bit "religiony" but I decided to post them anyway.
Family prayer morning and night.
Family Home Evening every Monday night. This means getting
together for songs, prayer, lesson, activity, and treat. No other
activities are allowed on this night.
Family Scripture study everyday.
Monitored television watching. This means that our children don't
watch anything that isn't on the Public Station and even then it has to
be something we approve of. I am not saying that there aren't other
good shows but for us this rule works well. As it turns out our children
usually only watch maybe an hour of TV a day if that much.
No movies above a PG rating. That goes for the whole family. In our
house if it isn't suitable for children then it isn't suitable for adults.
Period. We don't make any exceptions. Even PG movies are considered
carefully for their message and content. We use the following sites to
help us make our viewing decisions: http://www.screenit.com and
http://movieguide.crosswalk.com/
Church attendance every Sunday.
Service orientated projects. This means bringing meals to those in
need, visiting the elderly, and participating in other various church
service projects.
Activities to develop personal talents and individuality. This doesn't t
always mean paying for some sort of professional lessons. Our
second oldest does take gymnastics but our oldest is more
academically inclined and for her it means frequent trips to the library,
etc.
Chores!!!! This is a big one. Our children have to do a lot of work
around the house and though they complain often about it we feel this
is a major factor in helping our children to become productive citizens.
My husband and I grew up on farms and learned how to work hard at
a young age. It has proved to be a great blessing to both of us.
Discipline!!! Psychologists seem to have varying opinions about the
effects of discipline on children. Many people are either afraid or don't
want to take the time to discipline their children. We feel that children
want and need to be disciplined. This doesn't mean beating them to
death.. it just means setting standards and then living by them. It means
teaching children that there are consequences for their actions. It
means teaching them that they alone are responsible for their
behavior. It means putting parents back in charge.
Listen. We hold family councils to discuss issues of importance in
our home. The children are allowed to give their input or suggestions.
We listen and take them seriously.
Respect. We try to foster a feeling of respect in the family. The
children are not given separate rooms but must learn to share with
each other and get along. They have their fights like any other children
but they have no choice but to resolve them and come to terms with
each other. They are not allowed to call each other names.
Example!!! We try to teach by our examples. If we don't want our
children to do it then we don't do it. Or we try not to... we aren't
perfect of course. I think some of the greatest lessons I have learned
in my life have not come from lectures my mother gave me but by
watching her example of hard work, compassion, and determination to
give everything she did her best effort. I will be eternally grateful for
her example to me.
Ok, well, I didn't mean to ramble on and on but just thought I might share
a little of what our family is doing to try and teach our children good
principles. I know there are many, many, many parents who are all
trying to do the same. We live in a day when it is more important than
ever to pull our children close to us and teach them well so that as
they go out into the world they will be able to make correct choices.
This is our stewardship and we will have to make an accounting for it.
Not an accounting of our children's actions but an accounting of what
we did to teach them correct principles.
I know that many here may not be religious or of our faith but I thought I
might share one more item that I feel is a wonderful statement on
families. It was issued by the Prophet of our Church to the entire
world. It's called The Family: A Proclamation to the World.
And one more thought... I am not saying that by doing all these things
that our children will turn out perfectly. Every child has free agency
and they will have to make their own decisions eventually. I don't want
to make it sound like our family is perfect either because it certainly
isn't. We have our fights and struggles and trials like any other family.
Somedays I wonder if I will ever survive parenting or rather, if my
children will ever survive my parenting.
I hope this message isn't offensive to anyone. Just thought I would
share some of the things that our family is doing to try and combat
what is happening in the world around us.
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